December 29, 2012

Akan Datang

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all..


Welcoming 2013 with a mixed feelings, happy and worry.
Happy - Another year, another hope, another chance
Worry - I will be 24 next year, oh no!
Ok, let's not worry about it, I still have 11 months more before I reach 24.

Now 2012 recap..in my own way..
Alhamdulillah, half of my wishlists for this year fulfilled.
While the rests are still ongoing.
Some matters didn't go as I planned, and I know that Allah has better plan for me.
Trying to turn lemon into lemonade, 'blessing in disguise', indeed.
Trying to be a grown up.

I wanna say thanks to everyone who always stay by my side, my families and my besties.
Who support me, care for me, and help me in times of need.
Thank you and love you guys <3

Wishlist #6 - Introducing my GD aka Guitar Dex (not G-Dragon ok?)

"Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be." -Jeremy Schwartz

P/s - Trying to write a short post instead of a long one as someone asked me to 😓

November 5, 2012

Face Up

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all


The highway road now turning into a gravel road.
Plus, with the broken-down car that I'm driving.
And I'm in the middle of nowhere.
Oh Allah, please guide me (T T)
Guide me in Your straight path.
Guide me to Your Jannah.

"And seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayers) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khashi'un [i.e. the true believers in Allah - those who obey Allah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise) and His Warnings (Hell)]" [Al-Baqarah 2:45]


It's late and I am tired
Wish I could spark a smile
The place is flying high
But right now I want to be low
Don't want to move an inch
Let alone a million miles
And I don't want to go but I know I gotta go

I just want to feel alive

The times you don't wanna wake up
'Cause in your sleep it's never over when you give up
The sun is always gonna rise up
You need to get up, gotta keep your head up
Look at the people all around you
The way you feel is something everybody goes through
Dark out, but you still gotta light up
You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up

Seems like the more you grow
The more time you spend alone
Before you know it
You end up perfectly on your own
The city's shining bright
But you don't see the light
How come you concentrate on things
That don't make you feel right

I just want to feel alright

I'm looking for more than a little bit
I'm gonna have to find my way through it
Gonna leave a mark, I'm gonna set a spark
I'm coming up off the ground
I won't be looking down
- Face Up by Lights


September 27, 2012

Day By Day

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all


When I open my eyes, there's sweet sunshine
With the fresh aroma of fruits all around
With a full cup of mocha latte, I sit on this small terrace
And when I open my ears

There's a sweet melody I hear
It reminds me of your smile
Unconsciously, all the feelings treasured inside me throughout the day
Come back to me again

I was hungry
And I wanna eat sushi, smoked salmon one, with avocado
But the food served in front of me is mee goreng mamak, kopitiam style
Together with other side dishes, fried egg and fruits salad
And a cup of mocha latte; with milk, Arabica mocha espresso, chocolate syrup, and toppings

Then, what should I do?
Should I eat that mee goreng just because I'm hungry?
Because I was in doubt.
Afraid that I'll get indigestion after eating that
Afraid that I'll not be able to finish that
And that mee goreng eventually turn stale

But, I'm so curious about it taste
Who knows, it might be tastier than the sushi
So, I have a smell of that
And it smells nice for my hungry stomach
Still thinking whether I should take a spoonful or not

During nights where the night broke day through my tears
Or days where I smiled all day
With its ever familiar expression that always welcomed me
Was my old violin

Although sometimes I forgot about it
And other times, I hated it
But now I could never lose this precious yearning
Share it together with me
- Day By Day by SNSD

p/s ~ craving for bubble tea, sushi, smith's chips, and Bulla's chocolate mint ice-cream

August 31, 2012

I'm Just A Kid

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all..


First af all, Eid Mubarak to everyone who celebrates it.
Taqabballahu minna wa minkum..

For all the petty things that I care much,
I'm still a kid
For all the not-so-elegant acts,
I'm still a kid
For all the crucial things that I neglected,
I'm still a kid

In fact, what's wrong being a kid?
Innocence, cute, and so carefree

Once before,
With that innocent thought, I dreamed a lots
With that innocent thought, I had skills
With that innocent thought, I was self-assured

After I learned more about the world,
Why do they changed?
Why do I forget the dreams when I was little?
Why do I say things are impossible to achieve?
Why do I limit myself?
Why can't I be honest like a child?

Yes, I'm still like a kid.
The oblivious, childish, and clumsy.
But somehow I lost my kiddy touch.
And now, I whine like a child.

"Rasulullah s.a.w said: Make things easy! And do not make them complicated! Be cheerful! And do not be repulsive." [Bukhari]

"Is he who walks prone (without seeing) on his face, more rightly guided, or he who (sees and) walks upright on a Straight Way?
Say: It is He Who has created you, and endowed you with hearing (ears) and seeing (eyes), and hearts. Little thanks you give." [Al-Mulk 67:22-23]

Now I know
And I don't have to be scared like a kid anymore
All I have to do
With all the qualities that I have
Gather my courage
Have my face up
Walk straight on my way
Fullstop.

July 15, 2012

Walking

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all


I’m walking to the day
I’m walking to the day

Welcome the second half of the year *firework*
Now is the determination time.
Like football match, isn't the real match begins at the second half?
It's only after the second half we'll know the winner.

So, have I warmed up?

Another thing that I should be prepared is the Ramadhan, the Fasting Month.
This time, I'm fortunate to be able to celebrate it with my family here (^^,)

So, have I warmed up?

I do miss my Ramadhan in Melbourne.
Felt excited when seeing the people there are so eager to provide food for iftar to the other.
I can count with my fingers how many times I had my iftar at home.
There's no need for bazaar as everyone there is a good cook and offer their cook freely.
All in all, Ramadhan is not about food, it's about our submission to Allah.

Missing the tarawih there, at Pelham Musolla, Albanian Mosque, and mostly, at ICV.
The way that the imam at ICV recites ayatul Quran was so touching and soothing at the same time.
Even though he recited 1juz of Quran for the 8 rakaat prayer, I didn't feel tired at all.
I'm glad that I had a chance to tarawih there.
Oh, I can't forget tarawih at the Albanian Mosque, just 5 mins walk from my house.
My housemate and I used to walk to the mosque while wearing telekung.
We might scared anyone who passed by us..haha
I still remember how me, anith and muz once cracked up while praying there.
Because of the mazhab difference, they recite qunut before rukuq.
So, when everyone lifted up their hand for qunut, me n anith bent down for rukuq.
Then, when everyone bent down for rukuq, muz down for sujud.
Can you imagine the situation?
That made us laugh non-stop and we couldn't stay any longer for zikir, straight away went back after the salam..haha~

Ramadhan is like a training period, and hope to maintain the momentum for the rest of another 11 months.
That's a challenge actually, even to keep the momentum throughout the Ramadhan is so hard for me.
But, let's try. Try to win our nafs. And use Ramadhan as the starting point.
Wait, use this moment now as a starting point. Insya Allah.

Well, I guess this also apply to my 3 years of 'travelling' away from home.
Like what a senior said, "I found 99% of myself here".
I feel some kind of upgraded, as compare to the previous version of myself.
But, I couldn't retain that upgrade now, after came back from that travelling.
Maybe because of it's so cozy and accessible here till the mature and independent part of me being diluted day by day.
I don't want to depend on others so much, but I couldn't resist.
You have your family and friends here that you could depend on.
That's the best thing about living here.
I guess I take that for granted.
So, I'm trying to keep moving again to gain back that momentum.

I'm gonna end my service at UTP by the end of this month.
It's a worthwhile 5 months of my time here.
I learned so many things, interact with so many people (who are mostly older than me).
I regret that I couldn't give my best.
I wish to have more knowledge and experience to boost up my confidence.
Age is not the matter, its the experience that matter.
Because through the experience builds the maturity and increase the level of thinking.
So, I wanna keep walking and experience more.
As I don't want to be stagnant forever in my life.
I'm not arriving at my final destination yet, it's just the pit stop, and I need to keep walking.

"Abu Dharr (r.a.) reported that Rasulullah (s.a.w) said: Don't consider anything insignificant out of good things, even if it is that you meet your brother with a cheerful countenance" [Sahih Muslim]

The song that I enjoy to listen to in the morning to start my new day

Each step gets further as I walk farther and farther
If I trip over my feet and fall, I can just brush myself off

Like the dreams that are forgotten in the morning
These moments will continue to be forgotten
The yearnings and even this pain, everything

Past the tough trust and misunderstanding
Though the road ahead seems far

I’m walking over the tall hills
I’m walking with these old sneakers
I’m walking every single day
Till always, till always

One step toward the vast blue sky
One step toward the finish line far ahead
I’m walking till that someplace that will come tomorrow
Where is that someplace?

Out of the many people that I’ve met
In my heart there was a special person
If there is only one love

In the dry and barren desert somewhere
If I don’t want to stop my tired footsteps
That person would be strength to me

In this place where I place my two feet
In this place where I am staying
The momentary peace finds me and I get used to it

The temptation of wanting to stay a little bit more
Makes me just sit down (almost there, almost there)
Though the road ahead seems far

Though I may be crippled, who is tired at times
And though I would have my footsteps against the wind
I will walk with the rhythm till always, till always
- Walking by Super Junior

p/s ~ realise that I rarely spend my Ramadhan with my family since I was at boarding school, then to INTEC, and then flew to Melbourne. hmm..

June 6, 2012

Altogether Alone

In the name of Allah. the Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all..


Now it is half of 2012, how time flies..
How I wish time to go slowly last month, and go faster this month.
Because of few important things that need to be decided.
To determine my future, my own dream.

It came, It came like a thief in the night
I happened to be looking out through the window
I swear it was brighter than hell
Man, I saw a light through the window
It was hovering above the house next door

Well, not everything goes exactly like we plan, right?
I was planning to resign by the end of may, but my boss didn't approve it (_ _)
So, I had to stay here and continue with my contract for another 9 months (OMG!)
I guess I'm too good for my boss to let me go.. haha
But, it's ok then since I didn't get any scholarship yet
And I had to defer my study until February 2013
So I plan to stay on working here until July while looking for a much more suitable offer for me.

It came, It came like a song
In the day, the way I play when I get off on a feeling
Of wheeling and soaring through space
Like the word what flows
Like the lover as it explodes
Kicking off the start of time

Other than that, there is something coming.
It came not so sudden, slowly but surely, I don't know.
I hope this is the right feeling, as I don't wanna rush on things.
I just wanna go with the flow, until I'm really confident with it.
But anyway, it does make my heart flutters (*.*)

I froze, I froze like a stone all alone
I swear my hair stood up 
And I said a prayer to end all prayers
I reached for the phone but the phone was dead
Next the glowing ball turned red

Another thing is, no matter how I tried to be cool, mature and sensible, there's a part of be that behave macam kartun. (lol~)
It's in my personality though.
The strange thing is, sometimes I be more frank and friendly around strangers.
But there are times when I behave stiffly and awkward even around those who are so close to me *sigh*
Ok, many people said that I lack of common sense, I don't know in what way.
But I wanna apologize to those because of that personality of mine.

From now on you are gonna be able to see
From now on you are gonna be
All at once with peace and harmony
In rhyme and reason altogether alone
- Altogether Alone by Be The Voice

Last month, a lot of things happen, unexpectedly.
It passes so fast till I didn't realise, now is June.
I do learn lot of things, ponder on a lot of things, and also miss a lot of things.
Be that as it may, I have some obligations to do.
And I wish for days to go on slowly and steadily.
In other words, I try to avoid so many changes.

p/s ~ looking at my growing up younger cousins made me realise, how my uncle and aunts are becoming older..but then, I realised I'm growing old too..huhu..

April 25, 2012

Aku Maafkan Kamu

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all

What a long month of April, even it only has 30 days.
Yup, days doing nothing feel much more longer than the busy days.
But I'm not being idle.
I just spent my whole time either in the office or in my room.
Not so busy and hectic, just relax and cool~

Living here, I start to ponder on many things, but only 1 that so obvious to me.
How people love to gossip and spread lies.
I think this has already became a disease in our culture now.
And it even became a common thing, especially among the women.
I guess, it's just like, what goes around comes around.
One person talking trash bout one person, and the other person talking trash bout that one, and another person talking trash to the other person.
It keeps on repeating over and over again without a full stop.
Unless, one person, hopefully just one person, could make it an end.
And that person could be me or you.

Ada teratak di hujung kampung
Bawah cermin kopak ada kotak
Tersembunyi dalamnya ada tempurung
Sembunyi bawahnya katak melalak

What a sarcastic lyrics, if you could really understand them.
It said that a person, with undeveloped states of thinking (teratak di hujung kampung), with a very lousy attitude (cermin kopak), not thinking out of the box (dalam kotak), and has narrow minded (dalam tempurung), tries to give unconstructive, hurtful commentaries (melalak).
Ok, before we give criticism, we better reflect to ourselves first.
That's what I always remind myself, I know sometimes I forget that, but please somebody reminds me please.

Atur sepuluh daktil batal yang batil
Detik dua usul ditutup satu lagi tampil
Minta diisolasi dari dalil busuk jahil
Aspirasi tak serasi dengan suara bunyi
Buah fikiran aneh tergantung di persimpangan

I think, I've already mention bout this before. Just check this out~
Instead of giving a judgement, why not giving reasons, 10 or 100 reasons, and keep the positive ones.
It's not easy, but let's try it.
Who knows, by keeping the positive reasons, could motivate ourselves, to improve ourselves instead.
Because, when we criticise others, we think that we are better, but actually we're not.
Then, it gives a burden feelings to the critics.
As the critics need to walk the talk (aspirasi tak serasi dengan suara bunyi), to prove that they are better than that person.
Only if they realise that.

Ku ditimbang tanpa neraca di awal usia
Ku dihukum masuk neraka oleh manusia
Maafkan mereka, mereka tidak tahu
Mereka tidak ramas buku, mereka segan ilmu
Mereka tidak fasih malah fasik guna kata
Kita kongsi nama bangsa tapi tidak kasta bahasa
Maafkan mereka, mereka tiada nilai
Ibu bapa lalai dari kecil dah diabai
Tanpa kasih sayang, mereka suka menyakiti
Kita kongsi warna mata tapi tidak warna hati

I know, people gossiping because they had nothing to do, just wanna have a chat with their friends.
It's very common especially in schools and offices, even at the market and among the neighbours, mesyuarat tingkap orang cakap.
For the gossipers it is a fun thing to do, but what about the one who is being gossiped?
That person had to face the blame, being look down, and even had to heard all the bad words from the others (Ditimbang tanpa neraca dan dihukum masuk neraka oleh manusia).
Do we have that right to judge others?
Have we ever think the consequences?
Even not on the person behalf, but at least, the consequences to ourselves.
Do we really love to eat our own brothers/sister's meat? yuck!


Guna hak berfikir sebelum hak untuk bersuara
Kalau terpelajar sila guna hak miranda
Pura-pura dengar, telan tapi tidak hadam
Hafaz bila lafaz tapi mereka tidak faham
Mereka mula kiri, aku kanan bila baca
Sudah mahir rumi, mari tafsir alif ba ta
- Aku Maafkan Kamu by Malique feat. Jamal Abdillah

Being silence doesn't mean we are the loser, it just means that we're smart enough to argue with the wrong people for a petty argument (Guna hak miranda).
Well, the best thing to handle this situation is using islamic intellectual way.
I stress it again, ISLAMIC INTELLECTUALITY.
Let's go back the basic, Quran and Sunnah.

"O you who believe! If a Fasiq (liar - evil person) comes to you with any news, verify it, lest you should harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful for what you have done." [Al-Hujurat 49:6]
"And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, they bear (on themselves) the crime of slander and plain sin" [Al-Ahzab 33:58]
"And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah" [Ash-Shura 42:43]


Anas bin Malik (r.a.) reported Allah's Messenger (pbuh) saying "Neither nurse mutual hatred, nor jealousy, nor enmity, and become as fellow brothers and servants of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim that he should keep his relations estranged with his brother beyond 3 days" [Sahih Muslim]

Allah's Apostle (pbuh) said, "Fear Allah wherever you may be; follow up an evil deed with a good one which will wipe (the former) out, and behave good-naturedly towards people" [Al-Tirmidhi]


Therefore, dear DEXMA..
You should remember, everyone has their own good and bad.
As you want others to hold onto the good side of you, so were you should do the same to the others. Your thoughts reflect who you are.
And forgive everyone every night before you sleep.
Enough said.

p/s ~ never regret coming to UTP. being called as 'Puan', chased by 'beruk', got a chance to attend various seminars, talks, and meetings, met with high-class people.. all the experiences and memories are too good to forget.