Altogether Alone

In the name of Allah. the Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all..

Now it is half of 2012, how time flies..
How I wish time to go slowly last month, and go faster this month.
Because of few important things that need to be decided.
To determine my future, my own dream.

It came, It came like a thief in the night

I happened to be looking out through the window

I swear it was brighter than hell
Man, I saw a light through the window
It was hovering above the house next door

Well, not everything goes exactly like we plan, right?
I was planning to resign by the end of may, but my boss didn't approve it (_ _)
So, I had to stay here and continue with my contract for another 9 months (OMG!)
I guess I'm too good for my boss to let me go.. haha
But, it's ok then since I didn't get any scholarship yet
And I had to defer my study until February 2013
So I plan to stay on working here until July while looking for a much more suitable offer for me.

It came, It came like a song

In the day, the way I play when I get off on a feeling

Of wheeling and soaring through space

Like the word what flows

Like the lover as it explodes

Kicking off the start of time

Other than that, there is something coming.
It came not so sudden, slowly but surely, I don't know.
I hope this is the right feeling, as I don't wanna rush on things.
I just wanna go with the flow, until I'm really confident with it.
But anyway, it does make my heart flutters (*.*)

I froze, I froze like a stone all alone

I swear my hair stood up 

And I said a prayer to end all prayers

I reached for the phone but the phone was dead

Next the glowing ball turned red

Another thing is, no matter how I tried to be cool, mature and sensible, there's a part of be that behave macam kartun. (lol~)
It's in my personality though.
The strange thing is, sometimes I be more frank and friendly around strangers.
But there are times when I behave stiffly and awkward even around those who are so close to me *sigh*
Ok, many people said that I lack of common sense, I don't know in what way.
But I wanna apologize to those because of that personality of mine.

From now on you are gonna be able to see

From now on you are gonna be

All at once with peace and harmony

In rhyme and reason altogether alone

- Altogether Alone by Be The Voice

Last month, a lot of things happen, unexpectedly.
It passes so fast till I didn't realise, now is June.
I do learn lot of things, ponder on a lot of things, and also miss a lot of things.
Be that as it may, I have some obligations to do.
And I wish for days to go on slowly and steadily.
In other words, I try to avoid so many changes.

p/s ~ looking at my growing up younger cousins made me realise, how my uncle and aunts are becoming older..but then, I realised I'm growing old too..huhu..

Aku Maafkan Kamu

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all

What a long month of April, even it only has 30 days.
Yup, days doing nothing feel much more longer than the busy days.
But I'm not being idle.
I just spent my whole time either in the office or in my room.
Not so busy and hectic, just relax and cool~

Living here, I start to ponder on many things, but only 1 that so obvious to me.
How people love to gossip and spread lies.
I think this has already became a disease in our culture now.
And it even became a common thing, especially among the women.
I guess, it's just like, what goes around comes around.
One person talking trash bout one person, and the other person talking trash bout that one, and another person talking trash to the other person.
It keeps on repeating over and over again without a full stop.
Unless, one person, hopefully just one person, could make it an end.
And that person could be me or you.

Ada teratak di hujung kampung

Bawah cermin kopak ada kotak

Tersembunyi dalamnya ada tempurung

Sembunyi bawahnya katak melalak

What a sarcastic lyrics, if you could really understand them.
It said that a person, with undeveloped states of thinking (teratak di hujung kampung), with a very lousy attitude (cermin kopak), not thinking out of the box (dalam kotak), and has narrow minded (dalam tempurung), tries to give unconstructive, hurtful commentaries (melalak).
Ok, before we give criticism, we better reflect to ourselves first.
That's what I always remind myself, I know sometimes I forget that, but please somebody reminds me please.

Atur sepuluh daktil batal yang batil

Detik dua usul ditutup satu lagi tampil

Minta diisolasi dari dalil busuk jahil

Aspirasi tak serasi dengan suara bunyi

Buah fikiran aneh tergantung di persimpangan

I think, I've already mention bout this before. Just check this out~
Instead of giving a judgement, why not giving reasons, 10 or 100 reasons, and keep the positive ones.
It's not easy, but let's try it.
Who knows, by keeping the positive reasons, could motivate ourselves, to improve ourselves instead.
Because, when we criticise others, we think that we are better, but actually we're not.
Then, it gives a burden feelings to the critics.
As the critics need to walk the talk (aspirasi tak serasi dengan suara bunyi), to prove that they are better than that person.
Only if they realise that.

Ku ditimbang tanpa neraca di awal usia

Ku dihukum masuk neraka oleh manusia

Maafkan mereka, mereka tidak tahu

Mereka tidak ramas buku, mereka segan ilmu

Mereka tidak fasih malah fasik guna kata

Kita kongsi nama bangsa tapi tidak kasta bahasa

Maafkan mereka, mereka tiada nilai

Ibu bapa lalai dari kecil dah diabai

Tanpa kasih sayang, mereka suka menyakiti

Kita kongsi warna mata tapi tidak warna hati

I know, people gossiping because they had nothing to do, just wanna have a chat with their friends.
It's very common especially in schools and offices, even at the market and among the neighbours, mesyuarat tingkap orang cakap.
For the gossipers it is a fun thing to do, but what about the one who is being gossiped?
That person had to face the blame, being look down, and even had to heard all the bad words from the others (Ditimbang tanpa neraca dan dihukum masuk neraka oleh manusia).
Do we have that right to judge others?
Have we ever think the consequences?
Even not on the person behalf, but at least, the consequences to ourselves.
Do we really love to eat our own brothers/sister's meat? yuck!

Guna hak berfikir sebelum hak untuk bersuara

Kalau terpelajar sila guna hak miranda

Pura-pura dengar, telan tapi tidak hadam

Hafaz bila lafaz tapi mereka tidak faham

Mereka mula kiri, aku kanan bila baca

Sudah mahir rumi, mari tafsir alif ba ta

- Aku Maafkan Kamu by Malique feat. Jamal Abdillah

Being silence doesn't mean we are the loser, it just means that we're smart enough to argue with the wrong people for a petty argument (Guna hak miranda).

Well, the best thing to handle this situation is using islamic intellectual way.

I stress it again, ISLAMIC INTELLECTUALITY.

Let's go back the basic, Quran and Sunnah.

"O you who believe! If a Fasiq (liar - evil person) comes to you with any news, verify it, lest you should harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful for what you have done." [Al-Hujurat 49:6]
"And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, they bear (on themselves) the crime of slander and plain sin" [Al-Ahzab 33:58]
"And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah" [Ash-Shura 42:43]


Anas bin Malik (r.a.) reported Allah's Messenger (pbuh) saying "Neither nurse mutual hatred, nor jealousy, nor enmity, and become as fellow brothers and servants of Allah. It is not lawful for a Muslim that he should keep his relations estranged with his brother beyond 3 days" [Sahih Muslim]

Allah's Apostle (pbuh) said, "Fear Allah wherever you may be; follow up an evil deed with a good one which will wipe (the former) out, and behave good-naturedly towards people" [Al-Tirmidhi]


Therefore, dear DEXMA..
You should remember, everyone has their own good and bad.
As you want others to hold onto the good side of you, so were you should do the same to the others. Your thoughts reflect who you are.
And forgive everyone every night before you sleep.
Enough said.

p/s ~ never regret coming to UTP. being called as 'Puan', chased by 'beruk', got a chance to attend various seminars, talks, and meetings, met with high-class people.. all the experiences and memories are too good to forget.

We Live In OZ

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and Peace to all

Now it's almost accurately 3 years I have been here in Melbourne. So many memories and feelings to share and reminisce.

First Year [2009]

..open your eyes open your eyes again to the new world
where where to find a new day
anybody, nobody will ever know about
we live in oz..

Before fly at KLIA [16.02.2009]

Welcoming BBQ at Brighton Beach [28.02.2009]


Philip Island trip [21.03.2009]


With Chem Lecturer Prof. Rizzacassa [27.03.2009]

With housemate at St Kilda Beach [11.04.2009]

Picnic at Fitzroy Garden [14.04.2009]

My Usrah group [30.05.2009]


Winter holidays with friends from Tasmania [28.06.2009]


Winter Trip Sydney-Canberra [10-14.07.2009]

Farewell Sis Abby [29.08.2009]

Break-fast at Alamaro Restaurant [18.09.2009]

Eidulfitri [20.09.2009]

All in all, my first year life is generally simple and moderate. Even ordinary things in Melbourne could fascinate me. We lived simple, ate simple foods, wore simple plain clothes (not into shopping yet), and we're so close among the first years. And so with the seniors too. Life was challenging and getting complicated, trying to adapt with uni life, aussie life, been swindled left and right, been tested on the friendship, my self-esteem messed up. To survive that, that's an accomplishment. Lecturers are mostly cool and awesome (and handsome too =P)

"Who has made for you the earth like a bed, and has made for you roads therein, in order that you may find your way" [Az-Zukhruf 43:10]

Second Year [2010]

..and the things we wanted that we hoped for
to me, to me, to my honesty
anybody, nobody can replace
We live We dream We live We dream..

Sand Sculpture at Frankston [16.01.2010]

Watching the entertaining Aboriginal Performance [21.03.2010]

EHSAN trip to Great Ocean Road [02.04.2010]

Usrah at Geelong [08.04.2010]

Sovereign Hill, Ballarat [29.06.2010]

With my housemates at Mount Wellington, Tasmania [06.07.2010]

Trip to Tasmania [06-10.07.2010]

Lake Mountain [15.07.2010]

Sounds of Light Concert [24.07.2010]

Eidulfitri Open House at Amess [17.09.2010]

Malaysian Aspiration Program [26.07.2010]

Spring holidays with Aufa & her cousins [27.09-01.10.2010]

Summer with Aufa [20-22.11.2010]

Working at a cherry factory in Alexandra [04-14.12.2010]

This year was pretty amusing. Moved out to a new house, got a new housemate, still with Muz as my roommate. Got new friends, mixed around with lots of people, and involved with lots of activities. Had enough money to go trips and vacations, shopping, and eat plenty of foods at various eateries. Study became more interesting as the subjects go more in depth with the course. 

"A Muslim who meets with others and shares their burdens is better than the one who lives a life of seclusion and contemplation" (Muslim)

Third Year [2011]

..One more try give it one more try
take a deep breath and open your eyes again
Give it one more try just another try
realize all the dreams you had held in for so long
Remember your forgotten dreams..

Retreat EHSAN comittee 10/11 [26.02.2011]

Methods in Agrifood Biotech project: Screening transgenic A.thaliana [23.03-28.04.2011]

Grampians Trip [27.04.2011]

With Advance Food Analysis lecturer, Dr Said Ajllouni [24.05.2011]

Friends visit from Malaysia [08.06.2011]

Trip to New Zealand [28.06-10.07.2011]

Eidulfitri prayer at Flagstaff Garden [31.08.2011]

Spring holidays with Chema & Atie [11-21.09.2011]

Graduation [19.12.2011]

Family visit [14-20-12.2011]

New year at Wilson Prom [31-12-01.01.2011]

Bonus picture: Tennis Australian Open [16.01.2012]

No more fun this year. Third year already, and every subject matter. Busy with studying, club activities (as I'm an EHSAN committee), and many more. Still, manage to have getaways to Grampians and New Zealand. Totally had fun with third year subjects, classes get smaller, able to interact more with the students and lecturers. But, since the course getting more specified, every one goes on their own way (agrifood or pharmacology or microbiology or biochemistry or genetics). Glad to have my own study mate: Ros, Syed and Ariff. We rocks, you all know! haha

"He it is Who enables you to travel through land and sea, till when you are in the ships, and they sail with them with a favourable wind, and they are glad therein, then comes a stormy wind and the waves come to them from all sides, and they think that they are encircled therein. Then they invoke Allah, making their Faith pure for Him Alone, (saying): 'If You (Allah) deliver us from this, we shall truly, be grateful'" [Yunus 10: 22]

- We Live In OZ by Clazziquai Project

p/s: Feels so touched with the farewell party and the small gift from Sis Baie. That gift, although simple, but that is the thing that I've been looking for. Jazakillahu khayran (^^,)

Born To Be A Lady

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salam and peace to all..

Today is my 22nd birthday *clap2*
Glad to be born in december, the end of year where people put their last hope before starting a new year
This is my second time celebrating my birthday in Melbourne with my friends here
But this time, I celebrate it with a big, thankful heart, to Allah especially for giving me these wonderful friends
At first I thought I'm gonna be alone here on my birthday, but I was wrong
Glad to have Tiey and Fadh here, with the unexpected guests (Tiqa & Has)
And the care and thoughts from Muz and the others even they are busying working in the farm
Also the love from my family, umi, ayah, kakak n pidut (Can't wait to have them here)

For this birthday, I wish a lots, for my future
Wish that I could be matured enough for 22 year old lady
Wish I could achieve my dreams
Wish that I always in a good health condition, no laziness
And also my last hope..

People must always looking for hope,

Through all the past.

Just like becoming a flower bouquet 

From the seeds gathered in your small hands.

Still can not find the answer

Maybe I know, you know, born to be a lady

The fragrant flowers

The bird singing

The wind shining

The moon turning round and round

Send my love to you like this

Is because I am waiting for the day that you fall in love with me

When you can’t see what is truly important

Even when you can’t feel it either.

But because of this

No matter how large and how heavy is it, I can go along briskly

Even if the night is silence

Promise I'm here, you hear?

Born to be part of the world

The flower is wither

The wing broke and fell down

The wind come

The dark night back again

Little by little, you become strong

All you do is for a person who you want to protect 

The hope is Love

Even I am only a weak and tiny girl

And I don't know when can I become strong

Although my small dream can't come true immediately

But I know that day will finally come

Oh you're a lady

- Born to be a Lady by Girls' Generation

Put Your Records On

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and peace to all..

A piece of advice as an intro

Now summer is here. I don't know I should be happy or not, cause I'm not actually into the summer. The reason is, days are longer than nights. This means that Subuh finish early and Isya' start late. Another reason is, people wearing less and you'll see more skins (thank God I'm a girl). I personally feel that summer's style not really eye-chatching at all as compare to autumn's, winter's, or even spring's. What do you expect in the summer, people wearing sleeveless shirts, shorts/hot pants/mini skirt, flip-flop/sandal. And maybe plus other accessories like hat and shades. Nothing really special.

I shouldn't complain about summer, I have to go through this seasons eventually. Not like I can escape it anytime, it's sunnatullah, hukum kejadian alam. I can't change it. Well, maybe this would be my last summer and my last season in Melbourne. Who knows..

I've been contemplating lots of things in my mind recently. Thinking bout my past, my present, and my future. I guess I've upgraded myself a bit although there are times myself not fully function (what Italian call dolce far niente). There are times I deactivate and reactivate myself, then emptying all the various junk files inside myself.  Haha.. It's all the process of learning and upgrading actually.

My present and my past does not change significantly (don't ask about physically changes, I know I 'gain' a little bit). I don't care really much bout my past, cause it's already gone. Now I'm worrying bout my future. Afraid that my dreams didn't actually come true. If my Plan A doesn't work out, I need to have Plan B, C, etc.. But, I don't think I have any other talent as my backup. I don't have anything that I can confidently say, "I'm really good at this, this, this" even though I've already put an effort.

People said, talent comes with interest. My interest, since I was a kid until now is MUSIC. Too bad that I don't have any basic knowledge about music and what's more, I'm a tone-deaf! I really wanna master in playing musical instrument especially piano and guitar.

My wish list  #4: To have that mini guitar

I believe my time will come soon. The time that I'll be shining and flying. Patience, hard work, passion, and fortitude; thats the words. But for now, I just wanna put my records on and enjoy the moment.

Three little birds, sat on my window.

And they told me I don't need to worry.

Summer came like cinnamon, So sweet.

Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright

The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same

Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song

You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,

Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,

Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside (just relax, just relax)

Don't you let those other boys fool you,

Got to love that afro hair do.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright

The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.

Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song

You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,

Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

'Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake

Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger

When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?

Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song

You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,

Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song

You go ahead, let your hair down

Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,

Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow

- Put Your Records On by Corrine Bailey Rae

p/s ~ one of the fearful thing is the person you trust most stab you in the back.

The Show

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious Most Merciful

Salam and peace to all..

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go 

I can't do it alone I've tried

And I don't know why

I was in despair, when I lost my best-gadget-buddy. It was really an unexpected separation. I was in denial at first, thinking that I may have found it somewhere later, not really panic, but staying cool instead. How it lost? I have no idea. Either I dropped it off somewhere at Ballarat or someone pick-pocketed me. Allah knows best.

Slow it down

Make it stop--

Or else my heart is going to pop

'Cause it's too much

Yeah, it's a lot

To be something I'm not

That buddy had been served for me for more than a year. Nothing special about it, just have a lot of functions that useful to me. I use it for communication, for entertainment, for data record, as a diary, remind me about prayer times, reading novels, etc. All in all, I depend so much on it. Depend on it too much..

I'm a fool

Out of love

'Cause I just can't get enough

I don't regret of losing that buddy, I just missing it sometimes. Whenever I want to snap picture, look for qibla direction, look for prayer time, and mostly when before go to sleep and wake up in the morning. Those times make me realise, ah.. it's not here anymore..

I am just a little girl lost in the moment

I'm so scared but I don't show it

I can't figure it out

It's bringing me down I know

I've got to let it go

And just enjoy the show 

Everyone says to me there's always a reason for this. Ada hikmah la tu.. Yup, I accept it. That's how I comfort myself, not being too carried away. I know, I've been quite materialistic before, now I get the lesson. Nothing last forever.

The sun is hot

In the sky

Just like a giant spotlight

The people follow the signs

And synchronise in time

It's a joke

Nobody knows

They've got a ticket to that show

I was in despair, and later then I found this hadith:

"Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) as saying: Allah is more pleased with the repentance of His servant when he turns penitently towards Him than one of you would be on finding the lost camel." [Muslim Book 27 No 6611]

Masha Allah, I realise then, when you please Allah, then Allah is pleased with you. Allah's blessings are countless, not just that buddy only, there are lots that I should be grateful with. 

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back

I want my money back

I want my money back

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back

I want my money back

I want my money back

Just enjoy the show

- The Show by Lenka

To that buddy, thanks so much for being my reliable PA, stay by my side for 1 year and 4 months. And to its new owner, please take a good care of it.